My New Appreciation for Introversion
Last week I participated in a four-day certification training for the MBTI Type I and II (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). I have been a skeptic and critic of personality assessments for the assumption that we all fit into predetermined boxes or labels.
If you’ve online dated in the last couple of years, you’ve seen four letters at the bottom of profiles. In DC, people wear them proudly. I thought it was pretentious and limiting. How can someone only be four letters?
After digging in more and doing my own research, I quickly realized that most people were using the assessment incorrectly. As you probably have experienced, your preference change based on a situation and your personality may react as a result. Our behaviors are fluid, but to the core we are consistent. Rather than saying all people are like (fill in the blank), MBTI and many others give us insight to behavior preference, but in no way says all people with ENTJ will be a certain way.
So back to the original point of this blog – introversion and why I appreciate it. When you’re in a room with 30 other people, many of which are in the training or leadership development professional, you’re going to get a lot of external energy. Conversations quickly become run away trains of excitement and if you aren’t at that level, it can be extremely draining.
I had my assumption about introverts – they’re quiet and don’t want to be disturbed or forced into social activities.
This may be true for some but not all. What I learned is that the introverted preference professionals in my class had no trouble speaking up, but only did so when they had something concise to say. Unlike my word vomiting self who needs to talk out concepts, introverts process internally and look for the right time to speak up if needed.
I ended up having thoughtful and introspective conversations with the introverts compared to the hyper-descriptive extroverts who resembled energizer bunnies when networking. I appreciate one-on-one conversations that matter and feel myself pulled and challenged when having to be “on” for too long. My acquaintances may know me as the life of the party, but my good friends know that I do best in quiet settings with a glass of wine and a juicy topic to dive into.
The moral of the story. Don’t make the same assumption mistake I did. Give quieter people a chance to think and process and give them the space to express. We all have our own way of communicating and have a longing to be acknowledged and validated.
If you're interested in learning more about Myers-Briggs or having your personality type assessed, feel free to check out more information here: www.laurenlemunyan.com/assessments
6 Pick-Me-Ups When You’re Feeling in the Dumps About Your Business
I ended a call with a client who was ready to hang up her entrepreneurial cape. Deals weren’t clicking and money was running out. “I don’t think I have it in me,” she said holding back the tears. “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”
This happens all the time in business and in personal relationships. We have ideas about what we think will happen to make everything come together only to have a fraction come true or not at all. We try to force our outcomes and become unbalanced with expectations and future build up. As a result, our anxiety grows, we lose sleep and slowly our power begins to seep out. In a couple of days or weeks, we feel the full impact. Our immune systems are shot, our prospects have dried up and we feel dejected.
If I could have the alarm system wired to alert you before this happens, I would. So, what do you do when you feel like all hope is lost and you want to get your mojo back?
1) Call Someone You Trust – In this case my client scheduled an emergency laser focus session with me. Put all of it on the table and just let it sit there without trying to figure it out. Remove the stress from your body and take a look at what it really is. What is the worst-case scenario? What is the best-case scenario?
2) Take a Shower and Get Dressed – Water is a cleanser for not just your skin, but also your soul. Give yourself that little bit of self-care and prepare yourself for your next big move.
3) Put on Your Theme Music – Whether it’s “Spice Up Your Life” or “Shake Your Bon Bon,” get those jams pumping through your veins. You can’t be stuck in the couch cushions with Ricky Martin serenading you.
4) Write Down 25 Things That Will Generate Money – Put the timer on your phone, grab a notepad and pen and get to writing. Nothing is too whacky or simple. Get your brain in a solution-centric pattern.
5) Start Executing – If you need help or contacts, reach out. Start with the easiest or most impactful, but create a set list for your awesomeness.
6) Track Your Wins – I give my clients an Awesome Shit List journal to track their successes. Whenever you start to feel the self-doubt come on, check back with your list and remind yourself how far you’ve come.
Know that people love and support you. Life will face you with challenges, but know that these are challenges you are capable of mastering and learning from. You are resilient beyond what you believe. Just know that we believe in you.
(If these feelings persist and feel like they are beyond behavioral intervention, please seek professional assistance.)
How to Gain Credibility in Your Industry
Last week I met with my fellow SocialPreneurs in Capitol Hill. This group of powerhouse women meets every other week to discuss the challenges, celebrations and stumbles of creating and managing a business from scratch. From established tech developers to the initial start up phase, our group welcomes all stages in business with only three rules. 1) Your Business Must Be Your Own 2) Show Up to Share, Support and Suggest (Not Sell) 3) Keep It Real
In the last five minutes of our discussion we hit a nerve - CREDIBILITY. Where does it come from? When do you know you've reached it? How can you get there if you're in uncharted territories.
I struggled with this big time during my first year in business. I stressed over whether people would take me seriously as a 30-something coach. I tiptoed around pricing and packages worried that people wouldn't pay for what I offered. I questioned the content I put out. Would anyone care or listen?
Thankfully, I challenged the little Gremlin inside that wanted to keep me in the land of self doubt. I had something to say and if only one person read it, that was one more than if I hadn't. After being in business full time for 15 months I can now say I feel validated and (in)credible about my credibility as a coach.
So, what did I do to get there and when did I feel the change?
1) Create Content Every Day - Write as much as you can. Record videos or conversations (with people's permission). Ask for help in editing if you aren't comfortable. Your voice and perspective is uniquely yours. Whatever you love to do in your business, highlight it and share it. This is a big reason why I'm doing the 30 Day Blog Post Challenge. It keeps me accountable and disciplined to create. Start by making a list of topics that impact your business. Write a couple of short blogs or dive in with research. Just keep at it every day.
2) Reach Out to Industry Groups or Get a Mentor - This is critical for new business owners. Most industries will have meet up groups or if you can't find a group with your business type you can create a group or network with other business owners. You need a safe place to ask the questions that can hold you back. If you prefer one-on-one, seek out a mentor. If you prefer the interaction of a group, go with the meet ups. The single worst thing you can do as a business owner is isolate yourself. Ask for the help and offer support in return.
3) Go Back to School - Whether it's self study or a class, stay on top of current technology, trends and techniques for your industry and beyond. This could be certificates, certification, or watching YouTube tutorials. You could even blog about all the stuff you learned! If you're considering a Masters or PhD, think about the potential time and financials cost to the estimated gains. (This is a whole other blog post)
So back to my original question, when did I feel credible. Honestly, 6 weeks ago when I faced the scary thought that I my service offerings weren't in line with my value as a coach. The SocialPreneur group supported the discussion and within 15-minutes I had a clear picture. I am now being contacted by people outside of my immediate network and can confidently speak about my business to anyone I meet.
What I can say is credibility isn't about years spent or specific experiences. You'll know what you need in order to feel secure in your footing. The key is working towards those securing agents in everything you do. Don't give up. Don't look back. Don't question your progress. You've got this!
Time: Is It On Your Side?
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Do you feel the pressure rising? Are your palms sweating? Do you feel like you need to be somewhere or do something? Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
It’s time to talk about time and your relationship with it. Are you early for everything? Do you arrive as things begin? Or is start time up for interpretation? Let’s explore how you manage your seconds, minutes, hours and days and what options you have to shift your relationship with time.
Let’s start with The Early-Arrivers
That’s me! I love getting places early and setting up while allowing for unexpected delays or detours. Those almost never happen but in case they do I’m ready for it. If I have a client session at 10:00am, I’m usually where I need to be 5-10 minutes before the start time. It almost becomes a game to see if I can get to where I need to be at an exact time.
Pros: It shows I respect your time by arriving at the agreed upon time. Clear schedules and super-efficient.
Cons: I’m probably going to judge you if you’re late or don’t share a similar belief system around time. I can feel disrespected if you don’t indicate you’re going to be late prior to the time you’re late. Also, when you don’t respect the end time of a meeting, it creates huge frustrations and annoyance. May be a bit high strung around being on time.
Next Up is The On-Time Arrivers
This group gets along pretty well with the Early Arrivers as they have a pretty good grasp on their schedule and allow for contingencies in the schedule. At times they may arrive 5 minutes late, but never more and communicate when that’s going to happen. They get to where they need to be with no wasted time sitting and waiting for the meeting to start.
Pros: Typically on time and up front about scheduling delays. Efficient with time.
Cons: Delays will undoubtedly creep up and throw them off their timing game. They may also be judging the Early Arrivers for not maximizing their time doing other important or fun things.
Finally, the Johnny-Come-Latelys
I seem to attract these in especially in relationships. They get sucked into projects or thoughts and before they know it, they’re late. They typically see the meet time as the ballpark time they should leave the house by. There is plenty of time, no need to rush. It’s all good.
Pros: Relaxed and not rushed by meeting start times. Usually creative-centric and will come up with a good laugh about why they’re late.-
Cons: The completely piss off the Early Arrivers and annoy the On-Timers. They usually don’t do well in corporate settings that value time. Their late arrival times tend to create arguments or sentiments of not caring for their partner.
So what do we do with these three profiles?
For the Early-Arrivers – Know who you’re meeting with and bring a book or something to work with if the individual is typically late. Maximize your time. If someone is chronically late, either leave later yourself or pad in the time and schedule the time earlier for the other party. The key piece: don't take it personally if someone doesn't share your affinity for second counting. It's not about you.
For the On-Timers – Add 5-10 minutes onto your travel time to keep your perfect attendance record flawless. If you have extra time, feel free to get a coffee, you deserve it!
For the Johnny-Come-Latelys – Treat start times as a deadline that you will get fired over if you don’t arrive. Put yourself in the other two profiles’ shoes. What do you think they feel about how you value the relationship by not respecting their time? How would you feel if someone was late or didn’t show up? A little objective empathy may help to light a fire under your but to salvage those critical relationships. If you are going to be late, let people know as soon as you know.
If you need help navigating your time management, schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation.
My Top 4 Apps for Business
Over the past few months, my client base is shifting to in person meetings, which has transitioned my usual desktop operations to my iPhone. Whether I’m walking from Brookland to SW DC or sitting at a bar at soundcheck, these apps have been amazing for creating a virtual office on my phone.
Acuity Scheduler – With preloaded client contact details, I can schedule in my coaching sessions within 5 seconds. All I have to do is pick a session type (that I created during set up), select a date and time and start typing their name. If I have a conflict, it lets me know or I can create a custom appointment that overrides it. For only $10 a month, it’s saved me a ton of time and stress. The best part is it automatically syncs with your calendar, so you never have to worry about double booking.
Canva – I use this app every day. Whether I’m designing an Instagram image or creating worksheets, I love being in the driver seat of my graphic design. I am not a whiz at Photoshop or any other design program, but I do love layout and playing with color. The pre-sized templates and examples help to inspire you if you aren’t feeling like developing something from scratch. For only $120 a year, it’s like having an on-call graphic designer for pennies a day.
Quickbooks Online – No more questioning if you’re in the black. Quickbooks online version syncs your credit cards, merchant accounts and bank accounts to give you an accurate snapshot on your finances. You can create invoices, reconcile your expenses, and update payments all from your phone. It also works with the desktop version if you prefer that route while you have access to your computer. The Simple Start plan is only $10 a month and will make your accountant happy during tax season.
Slack – If you’re needing to check in with colleagues or clients, Slack is awesome for thread-based discussions. You can create separate groups or channels for specific people. If text messaging feels too messy and crowded, Slack keeps your discussion more stream lined.
I’d love to hear your must have Apps for business. Feel free to post them in the comments.
How to Give Unpleasant Feedback Without Sounding Like an A-Hole
As a strong personality from New Jersey, I’ve been known to give some “real talk” about things I don’t care for or agree with. After living in Houston for a few years, I faced the hard truth that not everyone appreciated my direct form of feedback. Whether you’re like me and feel misunderstood or find yourself jumping on the “Complain Train” I’ve got some tips and tricks for you to reframe and recondition yourself into a healthier habit.
If you were on the receiving end of a conversation with yourself giving unpleasant information, how would describe it?
Appreciated for the Honesty
Unfortunate, but Understandable
Just the Facts, Ma’am
What is she talking about?
Am I in trouble?
Man, I feel like shit.
If anything is down line from “Unfortunate, but Understandable” we may have a little work to do. As I heard in my recent training class The Only Good Feedback is That Which is Heard. If your intended message isn’t heard, then both parties may be left feeling unsatisfied, frustrated or possibly hurt.
If You’ve Been Accused of Being Cold…
1) Know Your Audience – Does this group/person need time to process or ask questions? Do they need more details to understand?
2) Know Your Purpose – If the news isn’t great (company merger, new policy) do some research on the rationale behind it. It may not matter to you, but it helps when you can help people understand where things are and where they stand.
3) Allow Time and Space – If you would only need 5 minutes to heard it, block of 20 for someone else. When we’re rushed or focusing on efficiencies, we take the human element out.
4) Put Yourself in Their Shoes – If empathy isn’t a strong suit, imagine that your closest confidant just received this news, what do you think they would feel or need to know?
5) Don’t Crack Jokes or Try to Make the Situation Light – Nothing is worse than when some tells an inappropriate joke or smiles when everyone else is serious. It’s a major red flag that you’re uncomfortable and potentially a bit immature. Just because you’re ready to move on from the topic, doesn’t mean everyone else is.
6) Model the Behavior You Wish to See – Treat others with dignity, respect and kindness.
7) Be Authentic – When you can connect with people on a real level, it provides comfort and builds trust. It’s not about tactics or processes. People want to trust who they work with. This is an opportunity for you to emerge and establish yourself as a trusted, respected and inspirational leader.
If You’ve Been Accused of Being Rude or Brash…
1) Watch Your Tone – If you wouldn’t talk to your grandmother with that tone, you have no business using it with anyone else. The person who remains in control emotionally has the power of influence on their hand. Once you fly off the handle, you are no longer in control.
2) Listen more than you speak – For everything you say, ask an open-ended question to get their feedback on the statement. If you are dominating the conversation, people can feel insignificant, marginalized and rejected.
3) Look for the Opportunity to Improve the Situation – Come with suggestions yourself and ask for other input.
4) Bring the Other Person in for Ideas and Suggestions – This is KEY to buy in and the number one reason why people don’t stay at companies or feel included. Give them a space for their voice to be heard.
5) LISTEN – You get the idea.
If People You’ve Been Accused of Being Insincere, Fake or Phony…
1) Be Yourself – Stop playing the role of perfect employee or People-Pleaser Boss. No one’s buying it and people don’t trust you.
2) Ask Yourself If You Believe What’s Coming Out of Your Mouth
3) Ask Others for Honest Feedback
4) Whatever You’re Trying to Hide, Expose It – Shame and fear of exposure is a huge part of Imposter Syndrome and a leading cause of disconnect in relationships. People pick up on the avoidance and attempt to cover up something and form distrust. This goes back to people-pleasing. It doesn’t work. It’s exhausting. You will burn out at some point.
I’m sure there are more than three profiles to cover on this topic, so if you have any examples, feel free to send them over and I’ll take a stab at it.
If you are one of those profiles, try any of the tips and tricks and see how they work for you.
7 Tips for Phone Interviews
Before I became a coach, I was on the other side of the phone line screening candidates. The following tips are areas I’ve seen candidates stumble on and I don’t want to see that happen to you!
1) Pick Up the Phone – If it’s your scheduled time, pick up the phone. Even if the number doesn’t look right, pick it up. It’s a huge red flag if you don’t show up. If it’s a telemarketer, you can quickly hang up.
2) Be Prepared – Go through your resume and review the company and job description. Have at least three questions prepared to ask when given the opportunity.
3) Know Your Talking Points – You will be asked some boiler plate questions – strengths, weaknesses, why you’re looking, etc. Practice your responses. Nothing is worse than “Ummmm” or “Uhhhh.”
4) Take the Call Somewhere Quiet – A noisy coffee shop or near a construction site probably isn’t the best place. If you have a head set for your cell phone, use it.
5) Take Your Time – Wait a second or two before responding to a question. If you need to take a deep breath on mute, do it. Your breath control is the easiest way to calm your nerves and anxiety.
6) Ask for a Salary Range – It's better to know at the front end what the job pays. At the end of the call you’ll typically be asked if you have any questions. This is the perfect time to ask, if you don’t already know, what the salary range is. If you are asked what your requirements are, make sure you know their range first and then you can say if you are in or out of the range. Do not give them an exact number. This can be left for the negotiation table when you’re at that stage.
7) Be Yourself – If you try to be someone else, it won’t feel natural. If it’s the right fit for you or not, you’ll know being your authentic self.
My Week of Ranting and Refunds
I don’t typically call myself a complainer. In fact, I probably let things go instead of speaking up. Maybe it’s this blog challenge or a general shift in not tolerant non-sense. Below are three examples of how I acknowledged dissatisfaction and the outcome.
1) My Phone Bill – I always had a feeling I was overpaying, but didn’t want to have to sit on the phone for an hour trying to threaten and negotiate them down. Instead I used a new App – Hiatus. You upload your bank and credit card information and they search for your subscriptions. If something looks out of whack, they negotiate it down on your behalf. The catch – whatever they save you they charge you 50% of. After 5 days of them negotiating, my bill is now $20 a month cheaper.
2) My Dental Visit Bill – If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen my less than stellar visit to a local dentist of a cleaning. I’m not naming names as we are currently in discussions. After being surprised with two insane charges for a basic cleaning, I decided to email the owner and provided 7 points of improvement for their facility. Sure, I could’ve paid the bill and walked away, but I felt the need for explanation. Who knows I may get a write down on the bill.
3) 1800-Flowers – Last week I ordered an arrangement for a colleague as she works remotely and wasn’t able to take part in a celebratory happy hour. After checking in throughout the day, it was clear the arrangement wasn’t going to arrive as promised. As soon as I realized this, I emailed them. They gave me a $20 credit for a future order. I wasn’t satisfied and let them know my disappointment. As a result, I received a 50% refund on the order in addition to the $20 credit.
This is my PSA for all of you out there to speak up for what you want. This isn’t meant to be malicious or hurtful to business owners, but if you feel mistreated or unfairly charged, speak up. You’d be surprised how many businesses don’t know why customers leave or are unhappy. You could actually be helping them out.
Key things when reaching out:
1) Be clear about what went wrong. The more matter of fact the better.
2) Take the emotion out of it. As soon as you get on the ranty train, your point gets lost in Complainerville.
3) Be clear about what you need. If it’s a credit, reduction, etc, ask for what you need.
4) Be prepared to walk away. If the business isn’t receptive to your needs, you don’t have to use them. At that point, I would suggest letting your network know about your experience.
Why I Won’t Be a Network Marketer Again
In my call for blog post topics, I got a suggestion to write an article about the stigma of network marketing. I’ve been resisting it for a while, but rather than skirt around my opinions and dodge the inevitable, it’s time to rip the band-aid off.
It was 2003 when I was first introduced to network marketing or back then it was referred to as an MLM or Multi Level Marketing. It was for the revamped Amway program and was called Quixtar. I was at Rutgers at the time after transferring schools when my mom’s second divorce created a necessary change in tuition spending. Money was tight and we were primefor the sale of second stream income "opportunities."
The Promise: Make money on what you're already purchasing. Don't you want your dream life to come true with all of this passive income?!
The way it worked:
1) Shop through their store and use their special credit card (I still have it by the way) to earn income points.
2) Recruit your friends and family to do the same.
3) Once you hit a certain level you can collect a higher percentage of what other people purchase.
Sounds harmless. Wrong.
The products were overpriced and the weekly meet-ups turned into cult-like pump up groups to get you to recruit everyone you knew. "You’re so close to silver, gold, platinum. Who else can you talk to about this amazing opportunity??" "Here are some business books to perfect your pitch. It's just like getting an MBA."
I had signed on hoping for a financial win fall, but only two people joined under me. I probably made $60 the whole time I was in and sure you can argue that I didn’t put the effort in. What I did put in was probably over $2,000 of my hard-earned money from buying vitamins that made me sick and coffee drinks that were double the cost of Starbucks.
This was 15 years ago and now the bar is set even higher with the onslaught of pressure from Facebook and emails from people you may have met once that have THE product that will change your life. I have bought some of the products and the jewelry is cheaply made and the clothes are over-priced compared to the Thred Up winnings I buy without commitment.
"But I Should Support My Friends"
I absolutely do. When they ask me to join their group, I politely decline and ask if they need help from a coaching perspective as most of them are struggling with their feelings around personal worth and being a visible leader. Whatever their reason for signing up, I wish them well and can support them from afar without getting drunk and purchasing $300 skin care packages that I don’t need.
I Am Not Their Ideal Client
1) I don’t wear leggings.
2) My skin is in great shape (thanks mom!).
3) I have low maintenance hair.
4) My jewelry is from 5 years ago and I'm not looking to add on.
5) I don’t overpay for anything if I can avoid it.
I love supporting my friends through the process of building their own business - not buying products that ultimately makes someone else rich off of them.
So is there a stigma? Absolutely.
Will there continue to be one? Most likely.
Why? Because it comes off as exploitative and inauthentic. I connect to brands with a story and heart. The products being sold have a story, but it's not the whole story. If you want more information, I would recommend this blog post: Did you know that 99% of women lose money in MLMs? Why Are They Still Signing Up?
This may be controversial and I may lose friends over it, but now you know where I stand. If you'd like to tell a different story, I encourage you to do so.
This Simple Trick Will Help You Identify the Onset of Burnout
I hear it and see it all the time – Burnout. It’s that feeling of frustration, depleted energy, checked-out behavior, and the need to escape. Sometimes we can feel it coming on within ourselves and sometimes we brush it off as something else. The following tool will help you nip the issue before it becomes full on burnout and will give you a different perspective of those around you who may be experiencing it.
Are you ready for the tool?
Still there?
On the count of 3….
1
2
3
It’s called Listening to people’s Range of Engagement in their language. It comes through in casual conversations, emails, and in meetings. Obviously if someone is telling you they’re burning out, you should probably take that seriously. But if the signs aren’t so clear, here are the four areas.
As you move from the left to right of the chart, a higher level of engagement and energy is experienced, and the chance for success is increased.
“Can’t or Won’t”
At the left side, the range of engagement is characterized by a “won’t” perspective. “I won’t” engage and I have no power to engage. Life happens to me no matter what I do or believe.
“Have To”
The next phase of engagement, “Have to” involves a short-term perspective. I “have to” complete the task in front of me or else I will experience dire consequences. People at this level of engagement tend to “muscle” their way through life, extending a great deal of effort to get through what is in front of them in order to get to that which they believe holds their success.
“Need To”
The third phase is a more powerful phase. Here an individual is aware of their choices and seeks to find opportunity in the challenges presented to them. They are able to create opportunities, but frequently distractions take them off their desired course. An individual at this level of engagement may say “If I want success, I need to do these things.” They know their success is their choice, but are not always able to integrate that into their internal belief system.
“Choose To”
The most powerful level of engagement is “Choose to.” At this level people are more fully engaged because they feel they have complete choice. They are absorbed in the enjoyment of their roles and feel a powerful connection between who they are and what they do.
Go back and listen to your own conversations or read past emails. Which area of engagement are you speaking from and where can you adapt your language to increase your engagement.
Unsure how to do this, schedule a complimentary consultation.
The Introvert's Guide to Networking: Q&A with My Recent Grad Client
The following questions were submitted by a recent client on our final session of a 12-week series. This client is a recent graduate and a self-professed Introvert that struggles with networking and self-promotion. Below are her questions followed by my responses. As this was the final session, it breaks from the traditional coaching format (which I tend to do anyway as a business coach). If you have any additional questions related to this topic, feel free to post it.
1. At networking events how will I know who to approach?
First of all networking events are extremely intimidating for people who are 1) introverted 2) don’t know anyone 3) are new in their career 4) unsure about what to say. As a tip or rule of thumb, your main objective in a networking event is to meet people and get to know them. It is not to sell or give elevator speeches (it gets old really fast). When I was first getting started in my career, I used the food and beverage technique. It’s easier to make conversation when people are standing in line at the bar, juggling plates at the buffet or attempting to place all of their things on a cocktail table. If there is a table with one or two people, ask to join them. You’ll be able to sense the tone of the conversation pretty quickly, but push yourself to stay even if it feels uncomfortable.
2. How do I start talking to them?
Keep it simple - introduce yourself by your first name. After they say theirs ask them what brings them to the event. (It’s a way to see what role they play without being blatant about who they work for and what they do.) Be prepared to answer this as well. It acts as a more open launch to other topics and overlaps for what you do and who they know.
3. I’m not employed by a company, how do I get around this in conversation?
Talk about what you do, not what your title is. For example, I’m a freelance writer and I’ve been working on some pieces for non-profits and tech companies. I’m also working on getting fluent in Spanish and learning web development. This is much more interesting then, I do administrative work for XYZ company. People want a break from the mundane. Mix it up!
4. How do I exit a conversation?
Once you feel the momentum drain from the conversation, feel free to excuse yourself either to the bathroom, bar or food line. If you’re one on one, try to invite someone else in, so you can pivot away. Make sure you have closure and aren’t running off. Thank them for chatting and hand them a business card if you feel inspired.
5. Should I bring business cards?
Yes! It’s so inexpensive to print them online. Do a short batch with your name, contact info and your title of choice if you aren’t employed by a traditional company i.e. Freelance Writer Specializing in Blogs, Press Releases, and White Papers.
The Top 5 Podcasts I’m Listening To
I have to say I’m late to the party when it comes to Podcasts. Honestly it took my boyfriend having his own, for me to explore the great land of Podcastia. (PS – Check out www.thecircuslife.com I’m on a couple of the shows).
1. How I Built This
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for 30 years, you know most of the companies featured on this show. What I absolutely love is the first person account of the process including the inspiration, failures, and internal anchors each entrepreneur relied on. Rather than thinking “these guys are special,” you can actually walk away with applicable lessons learned. I look forward to every week when this comes out.
2. A Well-Designed Business
So I’m not an interior designer, but this podcast covers way more than the industry basics. From Facebook advertising to your internal struggles with pricing and knowing your worth, each show can be useful to any industry – and the host is from New Jersey!
3. The Ask Gary Vee Podcast
Continuing on the New Jersey host theme – Gary Vaynerchuk is my spirit animal. Shout out to Hunterdon County! If you don’t like cursing, this one isn’t for you. His in your face language and advice gets right to the heart of the matter. He calls out imposters looking to get rich quick or seem like they are on social media and support the every day business owner as they navigate the new tech landscape. There’s content every day, so you’ll never get bored.
4. The Side Hustle School
I have to say I was initially turned off by this show. The host’s tone was so flat and Pacific Northwest (sorry Seattle and Portland friends!). Once I got past my initial bias, I got in a groove of listening to these 5-9 minute episode. Chris walks you through the business basics of an original side hustle and then gives his take on what principles work for the business. I love him way more when he goes off script! The coolest thing is I heard about my friend’s business – District Karaoke on one of the shoes. This is great for people looking for quick content digestion.
5. The Moth
I love this podcast for true escapism. If you’re on a long car ride, load several episodes up and go for a ride. You can’t help but get transported into each storyteller’s life. Each story is 5-15 minutes long and will at a minimum make you think and at a maximum make you ready to make social change. If you ever have the chance, check out a live show at Howard Theater.
A Day in the Life of Rico Suave The English Bull Dog
7:00am – Ooooh the sun is up all for me! Time to go see it!
7:05am – Sweet! Mom is moving in bed. Better start grumbling so she knows I’m ready to start my day.
7:06am – Hmmm.... that didn’t work, time up my game into a higher pitch so she can hear me.
7:07am – Doesn’t she know who I am. I have people to see! (BARK)
7:10am – Chow time! This feels more like an appetizer, but it’ll do for now. It’s time to see my adoring fans downstairs and outside. Hope I don’t have to run into that a-hole Teddy in the elevator.
7:15am – Ahhh it’s my people. Yes scratch behind the ears and right next to my tail. Yes, I know I’m adorable. Feel free to join my Instagram and follow my life.
7:20am – Well that was quick guess it’s time for a nap.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZz
9:20am – Mom, are you stillllll working? Guess I’ll sit at your feet and lick my paws. (She hates when I do that hahahaha)
9:25am – Damnit, now I’ve got the bootie on. That was a colossal fail. Ugh. Guess I’ll sleep some more.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
4:00pm – That was the best dream about squirrels and butt rubs. Life is grand. Wait isn’t it time for more food?! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! Fix me a pot pie!
5:00pm – Ugh can’t believe I had to wait an hour! One day I’ll be treated like the prince I am.
5:05pm – Sweet! Time to see the evening addition of my fan club. They’re extra affectionate at night. I can’t imagine what they do all day, but man some of them look rough. Good thing I’m there to pick up their spirits.
5:45pm – Mom, it’s time to play. Stop typing and talking. I’m right here……
6:00pm – Ooh this moose toy looks good, I think I’ll just suckle a little biiiiiiiii……
ZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZ
9:00pm – (Rico it’s time for bed) What?! I’ve been sleeping all day. It’s party time. Get real woman! Here’s my toy now throw it! THROW IT NOW! COME ON THROW IT! Fine I’ll lick my paws again.
9:15pm – Damnit! The bootie again!
How To Break Your Social Media/Cell Phone Addiction
This topic was suggested by a friend after a call for topics on my journey of 30 blog posts in 30 days. Keep in mind I am not a behavioral psychologist and all of the opinions and suggestions are things I’ve done myself and these may or may not work for you. Translation: take this with a grain of salt.
I would like to address the term addiction. Perhaps for the sake of this post, we’ll call it a dependency. I’ve seen what addiction can do and believe me Social Media and Cell Phone usage doesn’t come close to the damageof drugs, alcohol, gambling addiction, etc.
Now that we’ve got that squared away, when we talk about a dependency it’s related to a behavior or a habit that has been created over time (this is when you click on this link and pick yourself up a copy of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business). Each habit begins with a cue or a signal followed by the behavior and the assumed reward. In order to nip the behavior, we have to start with the cue.
Questions to Ask Yourself
1) What makes you look at your phone?
2) What triggers you to engage on social media?
3) What feels normal or manageable?
4) What feels out of control and crosses boundaries?
From what I’ve observed, most cell phone and social media use acts as a distraction or a time fill. You could be waiting in line, sitting in a meeting, “watching” little Jimmy’s baseball game. You’re physically there, but everything else is checked out making you about 15% effective where you are. (If you drive and do this, stop immediately.)
There is an expectation to be on call, but when you’re actually fully engaged in your life, your time is much more valuable and valued by others. You won’t waste 3 hours straight commenting on cat videos or reading opinion pieces. You’ll be out living in the world.
That’s not to say to do away with Social Media and smart phones, but rather to create a healthy relationship where your primary relationships (family, friends and your colleagues) are given fully focused time first. When those relationship needs are met, you will feel more engaged to check in, post and comment in your allotted time and then shut it down.
Goal: Create a Healthy Relationship with Social Media
How Do You Do That?
1) Identify the Trigger (see above)
2) After you’ve identified the trigger or cue, you can take several approaches:
a. Remove the trigger – i.e. Delete Facebook, Snapchat or Twitter App from your phone. You’ll have time throughout the day to check it on your computer or during your allotted hours. In this scenario, put the App in a sub-folder or put it on the last page of your Apps.
b. Reduce the trigger – Turn off the alerts or notifications (especially the sounds) for all of the guilty Apps including your email and text messages. At a minimum, this should be on vibrate.
c. Schedule time for Social Media or email on your phone.
3) Create household rules and stick to them – i.e. meal time is phone free or cell phone use only between 7 and 9pm. It may seem strict, but you asked for it. Remember?
4) Instead of commenting on a post, call the friend or family member and have a real conversation.
5) Don’t sleep next to your phone or have your phone in your bedroom. If it’s an emergency, they will call and you will hear it.
Try them out and let me know how it goes after 30 days!
10 Things You Should and Shouldn't Do When Starting a Business
In June 2016, I walked away from an 11-year career in association management to start a full-time coaching practice. Here is what I learned in the process of being a business owner and what I would and wouldn’t do differently.
1) Have a Plan – I thought if I had a website, I had a business. People will get what I’m trying to do and will hire me right? So wrong. First my website was a jumbled mess of all things coaching, buzz phrases and lofty ideals. My lack of simplicity and clarity was a red flag that I probably should’ve been more organized and had a plan. This is where working with a mentor or coach is critical. They’ll be able to identify your blind spots and work with you to create a comprehensive plan to avoid the confusion and frustration later on.
2) Have a Financial Cushion – Thankfully I had this from a house sale earlier in the year before leaving my job and I live relatively modestly for DC. Money has been a huge fear trigger for me and being able to see months of expenses in my bank account was my saving grace.
3) Have Clients – Oops forgot about this one. I had been coaching for over a year before I left my job, but at the time of my departure I didn’t have a single paying client. This was intentional on my part to light a huge fire under my butt and start hustling. It worked the first month and then distraction set in (see #6).
4) Know Your Niche – I started as an Executive Coach for nonprofit executives only I left the nonprofit world and thought I would make a much better Life Coach, so I gave that a try. Then I decided to get grounded in Business Coaching for new businesses and start-ups. It’s nice to think that you’ll have this all figured out when you start, but most of it comes from trial and error and preferences. Be willing to explore first and dig into who your ideal client and market is. Believe me it makes marketing and website copy that much easier to write.
5) Don’t Think It’s Going to Happen Overnight – This should probably be in the number one spot. While I was getting certified as a coach, I was convinced the clients would come flocking in with little to no effort. I would be swimming in dough and vacationing for months at a time by month 6. SO WRONG. This is a fickle grind that is reliant on individuals deciding whether or not they work with you. Sometimes you have amazing months and sometimes contracts stall out. The key is moving forward each day and staying consistent with networking, marketing and follow up. If one area doesn’t work, try something new or if the clients aren’t coming in, get certified or read up on new technologies during your slow period. Just keep moving!
6) You Will Be Tempted to Go Back to the 9-5 – It is freaking scary out there on your own and anyone who tells you differently is full of it. The security of a paycheck is tempting, I almost fell for it twice (once in July/August and Once in November/December) it knocked me off of my business development game, but I learned a ton about myself in the process (check out the blog post on that one).
7) Health Insurance Is a Glorious Thing – If you don’t have it, get it. Nothing is worse than feeling like crap and not taking care of yourself when you have to run the show. Get checked out on a regular basis and stay healthy. My stubborn self has had to learn this lesson the hard way, but thankfully I have people in my life who actually want to see me healthy and don’t put up with my BS excuses.
8) Get Set Up on Quickbooks ASAP – It’s super easy and cheap and your accountant will love you come tax season. You’ll know where you stand financially at any moment with the online version and won’t have to guess if someone has paid or not or if you can make your bills that month. Knowledge is power – get you some!
9) Remove All Negativity From Your Life – There will be doubters disguised as friends and family. They come under the cloak of security and protection, but underneath it is full on pessimism and nay saying. Put them in a box and share what you want, but know that your business is sacred territory meant only for a select few who understand your passion and pursuit. This is where you share the highlights of your story and not your diary. The details worry people who don’t get it. It’s okay. They’ll understand when it comes together or maybe they won’t. It comes down to you keeping yourself healthy across the board. I have had to move away from several friends and family members throughout this process. You can love them, but sometimes it needs to be from afar.
10) Trust in the Process and Believe in Yourself – Here’s the thing I wouldn’t have walked away from a secure position if I wanted to live on the edge of uncertainty. I’m pretty risk averse, actually. What I do know about myself is I won’t give up trying until I’ve exhausted every option and I’m pretty resourceful. In the last 15 months, I have created a client base and support system that keeps a roof over my head, food in my belly, love in my heart and laughter in my gut. I am thankful every day that I made this move. It’s certainly not for the timid or indecisive.
If you’re thinking about taking the leap or have made the bold step into business ownership, I’d love to chat with you.
7 Lessons for Kids and Adults from the First Day of School
You’ve seen all of the adorable photos on Facebook, but what can we learn from the First Day of School as an adult? (Side note: I don’t have children, so all of my kid lessons are a trip down memory lane of my own experiences).
1. Get to Bed at a Reasonable Time and Set Your Alarm Clock
Kid Lesson: Nothing is worse than being in a rush or a complete cranky head on the first day. Sure you’ve got butterflies in your tummy, but these hours are critical for setting you up for your big day.
Adult Lesson: Get yourself to bed with an anticipated sleep time of 8 hours. You’re going to have moments where you wake up, but aim for 8! Plan for your morning to have enough time to charge and go! (Meditate, Shower, Breakfast, Daily Review, and Commute)
2. Make Sure Your Supplies are Prepacked in Your Backpack
Kid Lesson: The night before make sure all of your notepads, colored pencils and TI calculators are packed up. No waiting for the morning to get the homework done!
Adult Lesson: Review your schedule for the next day. Charge up your cell phone near your work bag (HINT HINT: It should not be in your bedroom) along with your planner, keys, and anything else you may need for the day. Feel free to pack your gym bag for the next day and don’t forget your shoes and/or sports bra.
3. Pick Out Your Favorite Outfit that Makes You Feel Super Confident
Kid Lesson: Set out clothes the night before. A groggy head doesn’t always make the for the best color coordination!
Adult Lesson: If you’re feeling ambitious, pick out your clothes for the week including those visits to the gym. It may seem like a lot of work on Sunday night, but once you’re in the groove of the week, you’ll be happy you put the effort in to grab and go.
4. Eat Breakfast
Kid Lesson: Sure, you may not be hungry, but I’m sure your tummy will be grumbling without food by 10am. Your brain needs nutrients to keep it going and so does your body, fuel it up before you go!
Adult Lesson: Yes, you may be in a rush or doing a fast (disregard this if that’s the case), but most adults who are too busy to eat breakfast or lunch do serious damage when it comes to dinner time and over-consume calories leaving you lethargic and unmotivated at the end of the day. By taking the pause to eat good food, you’re practicing self-care which lowers your stress levels and anxiety. Give yourself 15-minutes at least, the world won’t end without you writing an email.
5. Pack Your Lunch
Kid Lesson: I know all your friends eat pizza and sloppy joes, but packing your lunch saves more money for activities and makes you feel better throughout the day.
Adult Lesson: I know you’re colleagues go out to pick up lunch, but do you really want to be spending $10+ a day on fried or unhealthy foods? Pack a lunch that you can take with you so you can take part in the social aspects of lunchtime. Your wallet and waistline will thank you!
6. Know Your Schedule (And Locker Combination)
Kid Lesson: Figure out which friends you’ll have in each class and plan your best route through the halls starting on Day 1! If you’ve got a locker, start memorizing it now – nothing is worse than having to wait for the custodian to come to let you in.
Adult Lesson: Ever have those nightmare about high school where you forget your locker combination or course schedule? The easiest way to alleviate this pressure and anxiety is to be prepared. Review your schedule, put critical passwords in a safe space (use Google to save them or another App if you prefer), plan the night before to prevent the craze of the morning from taking over.
7. Smile and Enjoy It ☺
Kid Lesson: It’s your first day, take it all in. There will be more days to come, but now you’re set up for success! Soon you’ll be older and wish you could go back to these carefree days.
Adult Lesson: Each day is a new day. If you didn’t like the way yesterday went, you have the opportunity to enter with a fresh perspective and approach. You are in the driver seat. Vroooooom!
30 Day Blog Post Challenge
It’s September 5th, the day after Labor Day, and if you’re in the Northeast, it’s Back to School Day. I don’t know about you, but I used to love the first day of school. It was your chance to set the tone for the school year with your new haircut and cool new outfit from Wet Seal and an attitude that said I’m smart and approachable.
Now I’ve been out of school for a few years (holy crap it’s been over a decade since college!) and I’ve decided to set some hefty goals for myself this month. As part of goal-setting with my clients, the key is accountability, which is why I’m putting this out on the interwebs.
So here are my goals for the next 30 days (yes, we’re going into October):
1) Blog Every Day for 30 Days (this is 1 of 30)
2) Exercise for 1 Hour Every Day
3) Read for 1 Hour Every Day
4) Get MBTI Certified (Classes start on the 12th)
5) Bring on Five New Clients
I’ll be tracking my progress each day through Facebook and my website, so check in and create your own 30 Day Challenge. I’d love to hear it and support you in the process!