5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Be a Better People Manager

It doesn't matter if you have the title.

It doesn't matter if you have assumed the role.

You have the opportunity to be a better leader in every moment of interaction. 

What is a leader?

A leader is a person who has influence. 

A leader is someone who shifts the energy of the group.

Guess what, the leader can affect the group, and the group can affect the individual. 

Now that can be in good ways. You can have inspiration and motivation and all those creative vibes.

Or it can draw the energy down. 

Have you ever been in a meeting, and someone yucks on your yum? 

Here's how we can positively influence a group. 

Number one, check yourself before you wreck yourself. 

Meaning before you step into a meeting, do a nice little body scan. 

Are you holding on to stress? Do you have any resentment? Are you full of bias? 

If you're not clear, get a piece of paper. What are you bringing in? 

Have you just had an argument with someone? Did you read a frustrating email? Are you worried about how to make a decision? 

Get it out of your head. 

Number two, what are your intentions in meeting with people? 

Do you want to learn things? Do you want to get clarification? Do you want to brainstorm an idea share? Do you want to alter behaviors? 

If you aren't clear, you're coming in with assumptions.

If you don't have an agenda for your meeting, go ahead and do that. 

What are one, two, or three things that you want to accomplish in this interaction? 

This is going to help you create a framework and an outline of how you move things forward. 

I want you to think about how do you want to feel at the end of the interaction. 

So as you're clicking out of your Zoom Room, as you are exiting your email exchange, as you're ending a phone call, how do you want to feel? 

I want to feel at peace. 

I want to feel like this person and I have some trust built. We're coming together. We have trust, yay. 

But if you're not clear about how you want to feel, this is an opportunity to further define that. That's right, we're going to get more specific because once we know where our target is, we can reverse engineer it. 

I'm not gonna do the Roger Rabbit because I have neighbors below me. 

Here is the sprinkle sauce. I want you to take yourself out of it. 

It ain't about you.

Advice, I could do a whole series on advice-giving. 

Stop it! Please stop giving advice. 

It's like leaving a flaming bag of dog poo at someone's door, and they'd be like pika to prison is nice. It's the worst! 

If it is unsolicited, people didn't ask for it. And therefore, it's not going to be received as a gift. 

It's going to be received as a judgment, as a comparison, as criticism. 

You know you've gotten it before. 

So can we please stop? Thank you. 

We're not giving advice. We are not laying our stuff and our story and our assumptions on other people. 

What we're doing is creating space for other people to step in, meet us where they are, have inclusivity, and allow people to emerge as themselves. 

What we're going to do is be curious. We're going to ask good questions we're going to clarify. 

"So what I'm hearing you say is..." 

"Tell me more about this..." 

"So we've done this before; how are we going to move this forward?" 

You do not need to have the answer. 

And in fact, not having the answer as a leader allows you to be a better leader and be less stressed and not feel that internal pressure that I know you've been feeling and being the right kind of leader. 

Guess what the right kind of leader is? 

The one that's okay, not having the answers, that's okay being wrong, that owns their stuff. 

"I'm feeling stressed today. I feel overwhelmed. But I'm really looking forward to our time together."

"I'm looking forward to problem solve, to brainstorm to hear about your ideas." 

When you can do that consistently, then people trust you. 

People are like, "Oh, I'm really looking forward to talking to Lauren because she's a good time. She wears those fun hats, and she listens to me. And she doesn't give me advice anymore." 

Yeah, that's what being a leader is. 

I don't need to have the title to be a leader. 

You don't need to have the title to be a leader. 

All you need to do is create the space before you enter. 

Create your agenda, create your intentions, create the space and be consistent. 

In doing these five things, I guarantee you're gonna feel better going to bed, waking up, and entering into interactions because you don't have to be the maker and creator of all the things. 

How about that? It's a collective process, this team thing. Who knew? 

I hope this has been helpful, and let me know how it goes. 

And if it's a colossal failure, well, you know, just kidding, it's gonna go great. And I'll see you guys next time you keep being awesome.

My Work-Life Balance Wake Up

This past week I spoke at a Career Accelerator Workshop for proposal management professionals on the topic of Work-Life Balance.

Confession: I was completely triggered by the topic and session title I was assigned – It’s a Marathon Not a Sprint: Work-Life Balance for the Long Haul

Why was I triggered?

I heard people talk about balance like it’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or an elusive unicorn waiting just beyond the horizon. There are tons of self-help books, podcasts, and classes about mastering it. Insert yoga class, meditation, essential oils, and kale and voila, we can achieve Work-Life Balance! Even with the best intentions, these positive practices last a week or two before the common stressors of life kick in like an unappreciative boss, sick kids, a computer glitch, etc that set us back into our self-destructive ways.

Why do I know this?

This is what I do for a living. I work with people to get motivated and de-stress. I’m known for helping people with burnout recovery and prevention.

The Real Reason

Because this is me. I SHOULD have it all together, but just like the shoemaker with no shoes, I am guilty of negative self-speak, lethargy, over-consumption of crap television and junk food (sour cream and onion chips!). I was in a daze of distraction of late nights binging on Netflix to self-assigned dead-end projects knowing they didn’t serve me or my business. I was spinning my wheels and I was aware that I wasn’t gaining traction. My energy sucked, I put on 15 lbs. and I couldn’t look on Instagram without hating myself and 98% of the people posting.

I’m not writing this as a reflective story from five years ago. This happened just a few weeks ago. I wrote my first book in August and got an amazing response and I thought naively that the momentum would continue and the next idea for a book would come rushing in. But it didn’t.

I then decided to make an ego-rocking decision to move from my amazing apartment in the sky with picture perfect views to a studio with 40% less space, no view and more quirks than I knew what to do with. I got rid of my furniture and non-essentials. I thought the less stuff and space would give me an opening to create. It didn’t. Instead I felt claustrophobic, isolated and paralyzed. My space didn’t make me feel successful. An ounce of clutter overwhelmed my sight line. A dirty dish became an impossible task. My bed became my home base where I spent more hours in then I want to admit.

Who was I to be giving advice on Work-Life Balance, when my world seemed to be merging into a blob of funk??

This was my real trigger. I felt like an impostor. How could I be the expert on balance when I was struggling to get myself out of bed? How could I inspire people to be confident in their own skin when I didn’t feel comfortable in my own?

It wasn’t until my grandmother’s funeral the week before Thanksgiving that it clicked. I had been focusing on what wasn’t there or what was lacking. My brain was on high alert pinpointing everything that wasn’t working. But there’s nothing like people who knew you when you had a snotty nose and were missing teeth.

My family that I hadn’t seen for 15+ years didn’t care that I wasn’t writing another book – they were happy I wrote the one I did and that it was dedicated to my grandma, Dolly. They didn’t care that I put on weight – they had nothing to compare it to. They were just happy to see me and to hear my stories honoring Dolly. They loved me because I showed up as me.

My heart filled up to a level I didn’t know I had been missing. I was open to receive and to listen to what I needed.

What was out of balance?

I was out of alignment with familial connection. I was so focused with creating, entertaining and managing other people, that I forgot about my own need for connection. I excused it away as people being busy, but I missed my family and my friends.

After returning home, I decided to get my shit together and park the pity train at the station. I signed up for a 4-week workout/meal plan challenge at the insistence of one of my clients (yes, even the coach can get coached!) and have stuck with it. I asked for help from my amazing neighbors who volunteered their space for me to work out of and store my over-sized furniture. I can now see my floor and access both windows in my 395-foot space. I started writing again – hence this blog post.

Most importantly I spoke to that room of proposal management professionals not as an uppity expert, but as a human being doing the best I could. Instead of reading slides and telling people what to do, I offered tools and encouraged them to trust themselves and listen to what their body and soul really needed.

See, it’s not about the perfect amount of time or energy that you spend at work and home, but about how you spend it. It’s an ongoing check-in with yourself about what’s working and what’s not. When you make it about your choice and your terms, you have the ability to reframe any situation or make new decisions that better serve you. When you take care of yourself first and foremost you can better support and take care of others around you!

“I’m So Busy, But I Can’t Get Anything Done”

Thank you for submitting your ideas to the 100-Day Blog Facebook Page. This was the highest rated topic, so here goes.

You wake up and check your calendar and your task list that seems to have doubled in size in your sleep. When are you going to get it done? Where are you going to find the energy? This is impossible! AHHHHH!

Sound familiar?

Congratulations, you are a part of an exclusive group of everyone who hasn’t learned the power of “No.”

Let’s take a look at your current list.

1)      Grab three colored highlighters.

2)      Next to each item:

a.       Highlight the urgent things that must be done today or the world will end in one color.

b.       In the second color, circle the items that can be done today, but most likely can wait for another day this week.

c.       In the third color, underline the items that can either be delegated or done next week.

3)      Now let’s focus on the highlighted items. Next to each item, note how much time you realistically think it will take to get it done.

4)      If you don’t know the time required, you need more clarity around what it will take to the accomplish the task. Is it a series of phone calls, additional research, waiting for a response? Whatever it is, make a note of what you need apply effort to the items you can actually do.

5)      Focus on the top line items that can be knocked out easiest.

If you’re still feeling bogged down, it may be your language. I’ve mentioned before the “Range of Engagement.”

Can’t/Won’t - - Have to - - Need to – Choose to/Want to

Look at the words you’re using to talk about your day. If you aren’t in the “Choose to/Want to” your energy and motivation is leaking out with every thought you have around the task. If you want to feel empowered to do something, think about how it contributes to something you want to do. This item is the gatekeeper to your next choice for yourself.

When we think of things we have to do or can’t do, we are in reactive mode with life being thrusted upon us. That sounds awful and exhausting!

So if you’re too “busy,” what do you need to prioritize and what can you let go or delegate? If you aren’t energized about doing it, how can you approach it differently or ask for help from to help support you.

Being “busy” is a choice, so when you’re ready to make different choices, you’ll be able to get more of the things you want to get done checked off your list.