My Work-Life Balance Wake Up

This past week I spoke at a Career Accelerator Workshop for proposal management professionals on the topic of Work-Life Balance.

Confession: I was completely triggered by the topic and session title I was assigned – It’s a Marathon Not a Sprint: Work-Life Balance for the Long Haul

Why was I triggered?

I heard people talk about balance like it’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or an elusive unicorn waiting just beyond the horizon. There are tons of self-help books, podcasts, and classes about mastering it. Insert yoga class, meditation, essential oils, and kale and voila, we can achieve Work-Life Balance! Even with the best intentions, these positive practices last a week or two before the common stressors of life kick in like an unappreciative boss, sick kids, a computer glitch, etc that set us back into our self-destructive ways.

Why do I know this?

This is what I do for a living. I work with people to get motivated and de-stress. I’m known for helping people with burnout recovery and prevention.

The Real Reason

Because this is me. I SHOULD have it all together, but just like the shoemaker with no shoes, I am guilty of negative self-speak, lethargy, over-consumption of crap television and junk food (sour cream and onion chips!). I was in a daze of distraction of late nights binging on Netflix to self-assigned dead-end projects knowing they didn’t serve me or my business. I was spinning my wheels and I was aware that I wasn’t gaining traction. My energy sucked, I put on 15 lbs. and I couldn’t look on Instagram without hating myself and 98% of the people posting.

I’m not writing this as a reflective story from five years ago. This happened just a few weeks ago. I wrote my first book in August and got an amazing response and I thought naively that the momentum would continue and the next idea for a book would come rushing in. But it didn’t.

I then decided to make an ego-rocking decision to move from my amazing apartment in the sky with picture perfect views to a studio with 40% less space, no view and more quirks than I knew what to do with. I got rid of my furniture and non-essentials. I thought the less stuff and space would give me an opening to create. It didn’t. Instead I felt claustrophobic, isolated and paralyzed. My space didn’t make me feel successful. An ounce of clutter overwhelmed my sight line. A dirty dish became an impossible task. My bed became my home base where I spent more hours in then I want to admit.

Who was I to be giving advice on Work-Life Balance, when my world seemed to be merging into a blob of funk??

This was my real trigger. I felt like an impostor. How could I be the expert on balance when I was struggling to get myself out of bed? How could I inspire people to be confident in their own skin when I didn’t feel comfortable in my own?

It wasn’t until my grandmother’s funeral the week before Thanksgiving that it clicked. I had been focusing on what wasn’t there or what was lacking. My brain was on high alert pinpointing everything that wasn’t working. But there’s nothing like people who knew you when you had a snotty nose and were missing teeth.

My family that I hadn’t seen for 15+ years didn’t care that I wasn’t writing another book – they were happy I wrote the one I did and that it was dedicated to my grandma, Dolly. They didn’t care that I put on weight – they had nothing to compare it to. They were just happy to see me and to hear my stories honoring Dolly. They loved me because I showed up as me.

My heart filled up to a level I didn’t know I had been missing. I was open to receive and to listen to what I needed.

What was out of balance?

I was out of alignment with familial connection. I was so focused with creating, entertaining and managing other people, that I forgot about my own need for connection. I excused it away as people being busy, but I missed my family and my friends.

After returning home, I decided to get my shit together and park the pity train at the station. I signed up for a 4-week workout/meal plan challenge at the insistence of one of my clients (yes, even the coach can get coached!) and have stuck with it. I asked for help from my amazing neighbors who volunteered their space for me to work out of and store my over-sized furniture. I can now see my floor and access both windows in my 395-foot space. I started writing again – hence this blog post.

Most importantly I spoke to that room of proposal management professionals not as an uppity expert, but as a human being doing the best I could. Instead of reading slides and telling people what to do, I offered tools and encouraged them to trust themselves and listen to what their body and soul really needed.

See, it’s not about the perfect amount of time or energy that you spend at work and home, but about how you spend it. It’s an ongoing check-in with yourself about what’s working and what’s not. When you make it about your choice and your terms, you have the ability to reframe any situation or make new decisions that better serve you. When you take care of yourself first and foremost you can better support and take care of others around you!

100 Days of Blogging: 7 Lessons Learned

The Tuesday after Labor Day, my boyfriend left for Barcelona for a week with his mom on their annual vacation. After getting over the initial funk of being left behind, I decided to take advantage of this new found free time.

It had been over a year since I wrote with real substance. I was on my way to finishing two books when it all came crashing down. A personal story I shared with a family member was passed along to other family members and blew up in my face. In retrospect, I was sharing my diary and that wasn't meant for anyone else's consumption. I always loved to write - even term papers in school. I would love to feel the slight resistance of the keys under my finger tips and got giddy watching the screen fill with words. I missed my old friend.

With a relatively open calendar, I decided to embark on a long-term challenge - write every day. What started as a 30-Day Blog Challenge quickly evolved into 100 days. People thought I was crazy or that I would quit. Like most people I lost interest pretty quickly in challenges, but this was different. This was an opportunity to spark my creativity, increase my accountability and share my thoughts and opinions.

I wrote about relationships, business, life hacks, time management and my dog. Whatever I was passionate about at the moment, I wrote it down. My workouts and walks soon became opportunities to brainstorm new topics. My friends and clients inspired advice-based posts. I saw the world and myself in a new way. I became a writer.

I can now say that my writer's block is resolved and I've created two e-books as a result of the blog with more on the way. I am comfortable in front of a keyboard and love writing again!

Here are the Blog Stats By the Numbers:

Total Word Count Over 100 days: 37,999 words (damn it, I just needed one more word for 38,000!)

Average Word Count Per Post: 379 words

Longest Blog: 977 words (http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/10-things-you-should-and-shouldnt-do-when-starting-a-business?rq=should%20and%20shouldn%27t)

Shortest Blog: 169 words (http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/6wzyipmv9tpwbp1ms05hqsq5mt71m3)

My Favorite Blog: http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/6wzyipmv9tpwbp1ms05hqsq5mt71m3

Most Read Blog: http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/10-things-you-should-and-shouldnt-do-when-starting-a-business?rq=should%20and%20shouldn%27t

This wasn't all fun and self-realization. I learned some hard lessons along the way. 

Lessons Learned

1)      Proofread Before Posting. My mind works faster than my fingers and at times I skip over words and “ings” or “ed.” I'm pretty sure each post had at least two errors in it, which my mom was happy to point out. I've since tried to go back through and fix the glaring errors. When posting every day, time is of the essence and in my opinion it doesn't need to be perfect to be done.

2)      I’m human. I make mistakes and if you judge me based on my spelling or grammatical errors, I challenge you to a 100-Day Blog Duel! Do you accept?? In all seriousness, human error is a real thing. I've learned to be more patient and less judgmental when I see errors in other people's work.

3)      Doing Something Every Day Can Be A Challenge, But Anything is Possible. Even with workouts and diet, I was never on every day. I actually thought I may have to skip a day or two, but fortunately I could plan out my week to schedule a post or two if I knew I was going to be busy. I love a good contingency plan! This was no exception.

4)      Not Everyone Cares That You’re Writing a Blog. Blogs are like opinions and podcasts (I have one of those too!), everyone has them and some are more in your face than others. It’s up to you what you decide to spend your time on. I hope I provided value, if not, then entertainment. On the same note, don't get wrapped up into the visits or reads of your post. I got more excited hearing from the one person who read a post and learned from it than the 200 people who read and said nothing.

5)      I Say I Won’t Do This Again, But We All Know It’s a Lie. This was a huge undertaking and I’m pretty tapped out from writing. I’ll take a break and reassess where I want to use my time and energy in the future. (2 Months Later.... I'm back at writing, but not as a daily practice or challenge.)

6)      Not Every Post is My Favorite, But They’re Mine. I guess blogging is like having a lot of kids. Some are cuter than others. Some help you. Some are jerks. Some you wish never happened, but they all come from you and for that you love them! (Can you tell I’m not a parent?) 

7)      I’m Capable of More Than I Think. Yes, I pushed myself and maxed out my energy. This was a challenge to break out of my judgment and restraint around writing. That has certainly been busted into a million pieces. I am a writer. I am a blogger. I am a coach. I am awesome.

I can’t believe this challenge is over. It’s bittersweet, which sounds so cliché. It’s been my weekend writing ritual and my morning posting routine. It’s been my outlet of expression and door to connect with others. It allowed me to take risks and say what was on my mind. It also left me wide open to judgment and criticism. It was a constant reminder to stay on my path, but also served as a distraction to other important aspects like self-care and focusing on core business practices.

It’s been a journey and I’m happy I took the first step. So here’s a giant high-five to me!

“I’m So Busy, But I Can’t Get Anything Done”

Thank you for submitting your ideas to the 100-Day Blog Facebook Page. This was the highest rated topic, so here goes.

You wake up and check your calendar and your task list that seems to have doubled in size in your sleep. When are you going to get it done? Where are you going to find the energy? This is impossible! AHHHHH!

Sound familiar?

Congratulations, you are a part of an exclusive group of everyone who hasn’t learned the power of “No.”

Let’s take a look at your current list.

1)      Grab three colored highlighters.

2)      Next to each item:

a.       Highlight the urgent things that must be done today or the world will end in one color.

b.       In the second color, circle the items that can be done today, but most likely can wait for another day this week.

c.       In the third color, underline the items that can either be delegated or done next week.

3)      Now let’s focus on the highlighted items. Next to each item, note how much time you realistically think it will take to get it done.

4)      If you don’t know the time required, you need more clarity around what it will take to the accomplish the task. Is it a series of phone calls, additional research, waiting for a response? Whatever it is, make a note of what you need apply effort to the items you can actually do.

5)      Focus on the top line items that can be knocked out easiest.

If you’re still feeling bogged down, it may be your language. I’ve mentioned before the “Range of Engagement.”

Can’t/Won’t - - Have to - - Need to – Choose to/Want to

Look at the words you’re using to talk about your day. If you aren’t in the “Choose to/Want to” your energy and motivation is leaking out with every thought you have around the task. If you want to feel empowered to do something, think about how it contributes to something you want to do. This item is the gatekeeper to your next choice for yourself.

When we think of things we have to do or can’t do, we are in reactive mode with life being thrusted upon us. That sounds awful and exhausting!

So if you’re too “busy,” what do you need to prioritize and what can you let go or delegate? If you aren’t energized about doing it, how can you approach it differently or ask for help from to help support you.

Being “busy” is a choice, so when you’re ready to make different choices, you’ll be able to get more of the things you want to get done checked off your list.